for your VINformation

This bag was one of the many projects on my mile-long, magical, mystery, to-do list of things to do when there’s nothing else to do list.

A little background: when I went to South America with 5 Takes: Latin America, I wanted to bring a little piece of each country back home with me, but because the trip was almost ten weeks long and I’d have to carry my own bags, I didn’t want to buy anything big, bulky or heavy that would, in any way, weigh me down. I figured patches would be the best way to go, and technically, if I sewed them on, I thought, I really wouldn’t be carrying them.

The “plan” was to one day find a plain, simple messenger bag with good guts, to create a “travel-memory-bag” using all the patches from that trip and any other patches I may’ve acquired along the way. Full disclosure, I did go to a website to buy the flag patches required to complete my collection…

On the front of the bag, (shown) are the patches from all the places I’ve been including, Easter Island, Colombia, Argentina, Peru, Amsterdam, The Bahamas and even Vatican City – the yellow and white one with the Pope-Hat on it. I tried to keep it international, as I’m going to start collecting national patches from here on out to sew to the back (not shown.)

It is a great conversation starter, I’ve been engaged on the subway and the bus many times about it – people like to discuss their travels and I’m usually ready with a story or two myself.

You’d be surprised, gentle reader, at how hard it was to sew all the patches on. I used invisible thread as to have none of the stitches show and not have to have thread to match each patch, even though most of them were iron-on; I believed it would be a mistake to take a hot iron to the bag as it’s lined with a acetate water-proof lining.

And, you may not notice, but there’s still plenty of room for more…

Since this blog is all about me, Vinnie, and right now, Vinnie is all about losing weight and making himself a more marketable actor, Vinnie would like to put a button on the discussion and move on with his life.

There is no cure to what I have.

There is no pill.

There is no magic potion.

What I have ahead of me is a lifetime of hard work and dedication. The choices will be laid out in front of me, and I’ll be forced, everyday, to make the correct ones.

There is no laurel resting when it comes to bulge-battling; no off-days, no vacations. The road is long and the ride is hard but the payoff rocks.

By making my private battles public, I’d hoped to inspire those around me and keep myself honest – I’ve done both; so now, it’s time for this blog to go back to being about Vinnie acting, not just getting himself ready to be an actor…for, alas, there’s no cure for that fever either.

Reflections.

If you live in NYC, one is inundated with reflections.

Today, as I walked from the DMV – where the clerk insisted I get a new driver’s license picture taken because, as she noted, “…honey, you almost haff  dis size now…” – I caught a glimpse of myself and didn’t see a fat guy glimpsing back.

I’m not fat and misshapen; pretty average, I’d say, and really, isn’t that all we really want?

Twenty-zen is turning into the year of the Dentist.

The tooth, which I believed, was the tooth causing me all the pain has been finally been fixed.  Even after the extraction and the other filling, I was still living with the pain which brought me to the dentist in the first place.

There was a cavity on the tooth next to the tooth which was pulled, Dr. Boris told me, “Za root is exposed. I can not fill za cavity until za gum line falls back into place.”

So, four weeks, three trips and $800.00 later, can it be? Have all the extra holes in my head have been filled or yanked?

Yes.

Is there pain?

No!

Tips from Dr. Boris (in a Russian accent):

• When it hurts it’s too late.
• Prevention is key – twice a year checks-up cost less than three visits in a row…
• An infection can go to your brain and kill you!

As the Novocain wore off after my final drilling and filling, I grabbed an icy cold iced tea and bravely took a gulp; a feeling of joy spread over my entire being. For the first time in months, months I say, I experienced no pain.

A Spoonful of hot soup? No pain.

A sip of coffee? No pain.

Imagine that, a life with no pain. Who knew it was possible?

On Superbowl Sunday, I watched the Hoarders mini-marathon on A&E; I was more interested in the one lady living in her own feces and the other lady living amongst four tons of trash then the Saints and Colts.

I started thinking top myself, “There, but for the grace of God, go I.”

My parents, while not hoarders to the extreme of the folks featured on the program, are hoarders nonetheless who taught me to never throw anything out, “…you’ll never know when you’ll need it…”

Over the course of the last few years, I stopped thinking like that and started cleaning out my life, a surprising side-affect was the favorable way it affected my thinking about holding on to everything, including my body-fat and I got rid of most of that as well.

And while I did clean out my closet and dresser drawers months ago when I hit my goal weight, I kept the bags of fat clothes in my basement storage area; I felt I needed to keep them, “…just in case…”

Let’s think about that for a moment.

Just in case of what, exactly?

Just in case I allow myself to gain back all the weight I lost, I wouldn’t have to spend any money on new big clothes?

What kind of thinking is that?

Negative thinking!

So, 8:00 pm, Sunday, February 7, 2010, I went down to basement and hauled everything up from the basement and out to the trash for pick-up.

I didn’t donate it to charity, I didn’t call a fat friend to give it away and I didn’t care. I needed those bags of clothes out of my life at that very moment.

When I turned the lock on the basement door, I felt a wave of freedom splash across my being. In the moments it took to climb the stairs and settle into my favorite chair for another episode of Hoarders and I’ll never need clothes that big again.

Vinnie Costa, over-reactor, has struck again.

When Vinnie sets his mind to something he usually sticks with it, for better or worse, today he was just treated rudely one too many times by the good folks at the Weight Watchers center in Midtown to put up with it anymore.

When a center is scheduled to close at 2:00pm, I don’t expect it to be closed at 1:45 and then made to feel like I was in the wrong.

Now listen, I loved WW and appreciate everything they’ve done for me, but I’m done. I’ve been following the program, working it, and making it work for me, for over a year and believe I can now start do it by myself. I believe I’m strong enough to deal with the emotional eating issues I’ve built up of the years and I feel as if now, finally at 41, at 35 I can start being responsible for my own actions. It’s time to be accountable for myself.

I left the center, called the main office and canceled my membership – I don’t need to pay $40.00 a month to get nothing but stress.

I’ve been working very hard to maintain the 50 pound weight loss, even starting an exercise program that is far to advanced for me and if I can’t get the support I need from the people I’m paying, why am I putting money in their pockets?

My goodness, sometimes it seems the drama just creates itself…

It’s so much easier getting fat!

According to my bathroom scale I weigh 185 pounds. I’m trying to lose another ten lbs and goddammit, I’m goin’ do it – watch out world get off-a my runway…

I registered a 1.2 pound loss this week; for a total re-lost of 3 pounds.

I currently tipping the scales at 187.4 pounds, which would be a perfect weight for me if I were 6′2″ but at my current resume height of 5′8″ – my goodness is there any number I won’t tell a lie about? – I’m still a little “chubby” for my tastes.

Two more pounds and I’ll be comfortably back in my mediums and 34s, the fat pants banished, this time,  forever the tide is staying out.

Today, I had a cavity filled. Three shots of novicane later and I still felt the drilling. After the wisdom tooth extraction of a few weeks ago, when the pain meds ran out, I started feeling a lot of pain around the same area, in fact, it was the same pain I was feeling which forced me to make the initial appointment… anyway I digress, the dentist found a small but deep cavity on my lower right wisdom tooth, which he didn’t pull because it’s still a viable tooth and it’s too close to the nerve so I was taking care of something before it gave me pain, something new for me… but the issue, is the fact, the root of my rear molar is still exposed, the gum line hasn’t yet healed fully to re-cover the now exposed network of nerve endings and everyything I eat or drink causes me a great deal of sharp shooting pain.

Even breathing in the cold air through my mouth can force me to my knees in pain.

Apparently, the entire right side of my mouth is a rotting cesspool; a breeding ground of bacterial destruction.

Please understand, gentle reader, I always knew my heart was a dark, rotted void but now that’s it’s trying to escape through my mouth, I’ve grown concerned…

I wanted a lite snack with my afternoon coffee so I bought an Blueberry Oat Bar with Organic Blueberries from Starbucks – only $2.25.

At only 250 calories, I thought it was a wise choice.

Seeing that I’m a’countin’ POINTS, I went to the Starbucks website to find the rest of the nutritional information I needed in which to calculate it’s value – total fat and fiber.

While it is high in fiber – 4 grams – it’s also very high in fat – 10 grams (!). The second ingredient listed; butter.

So, this little snack is 5 POINTS – to put that in perspective, a regular sized bag of plain M & M’s is 5 POINTS.

Now, it’s just sitting there, taunting me, and I don’t want to eat it.

Today’s lesson: Find out the POINTS before you buy the seemingly healthy snack…

“The tide goes out and the tide comes in.”

The above, is a phrase the fatties in my little group of friends like to say when one of us loses weight. The “tide” being fat.

After maintaining my 50 pound weight loss for four months, I’ve re-gained 10 pounds – as of this morning, I weigh 190.4 and I gotta tell you, I hate it.

I am going to stop the tide from coming back – my one resolution for twenty-zen was to become a better person – I’m better thinner… and the difference between 180 and 190 on me is the difference between Medium and large and I’ve already gotten rid of all my fat clothes

What I don’t want, is to end up dying of a heart attack at age 42 and being found days later in ill-fitting clothes because I’ve grown out of my mediums… and the cats have eaten off half my face because as y’all know I don’t keep the dry food bowl filled all the time…

So, as of today, I’ve re-enlisted the help of Weight Watchers to build the necessary food levees – ’cause the tide is NOT coming in anymore!

I’ve had a constant headache for three weeks.

I could hear and feel my heartbeat in my right ear.

If I coughed, I’d get dizzy.

Do I have a brain tumor?

No.

Hot coffee and cold water sent shooting pains into my brain, so I figured it must be a tooth issue.

I mentioned my issues, in passing, to a co-worker and she gave me the name of her dentist – Boris Temkin, D.D.S., located just around the corner from the desk on 48th St. The pain was so great, and the overdose of Advil was starting to not help, so I made an appointment for this morning.

Ring Ring

“Dentist.”

“Hi, my name is Vinnie Costa and I either have a brain tumor or a tooth issue and I really need it looked at sooner rather than later.”

“I can get you in Monday morning at 10:30, will that work?”

“May  I ask, how much it’ll cost, I don’t have any insurance.”

“Well, let’s have you come in first and take a look, if it’s anything but a brain tumor I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.”

At the appointed time, I arrives, filled out the standard history and waited for Dr Boris. He couldn’t have been nicer, or calmer. I think he could tell I was quite worried and very nervous about the whole thing.

Blah blah blah – x-rays taken – blah blah blah – upper right wisdom tooth half rotted away – blah blah blah – major infection – could’ve entered brain if left on it’s own for another week or so – blah blah blah – it needs to come out – blah blah blah – Today.

But, but, I have lunch plans, I want to hit a weight watchers meeting and I’ve got Happy Hour at the Duplex to work… today it is.

“Relax, zis is ze only part zat’ll hurt” Dr. Boris said in his thick Russian accent as he injected the local. “Let’s give zis a minute to vork, I’ll be back.”

As the whole right side of my face started to relax, I realized, I had no idea how much this was going to cost – SHIT!

“I kno it to wait to ask, ba how mush bill dis cost me?”

“Don’t vorry, I vill take care of you.” he said with a pair of very shiny silver pliers in his hand slowly coming towards me.

In just a few minutes with my mouth hardly open, the tooth was removed and a wad of gauze was in it’s place.

“It bover.”

“Da. Sit a minute.” He tossed the bloody tooth on the tray in front of me and left the room.

After a few minutes of staring at the decayed mess of a tooth he came back into the room and said, “I’ve written you two prescriptions, one for antibiotics, take one pill three time a day for the next veek and vone for pain killer zat should get you through za next few days. Ven the Novocaine vears off you vill be in pain.”

“Can I have the tooth?”

“Da, I vill clean it up for you. Vile you pay za bill. I’m going to charge you $250.00 for everyzing ve did today.”

It’s not very often I’m left speechless, but $250.00 for x-ray and an extraction? Wow, a bargain at twice the price!

I’m going back in two weeks, after the infection has cleared up to get a small cavity filled and get a good cleaning, I may not have health insurance or all my teeth, but at the very least, I have a great dentist!

Vinnie’s Top-Fives of 2009 (in no particular order)

Broadway/Off-Broadway Shows

• 33 Variations
• Toxic Avenger
• West Side Story
• The Little Mermaid – I avoided it until just before it closed, I regret that.
• Next To Normal

TV Shows (New)

• Glee
• Leverage
• Warehouse 13
• V
• Modern Family

Music

• Who are we kidding? I haven’t bought new music in YEARS!

Books (not necessarily published in 2009)

• Was Superman A Spy, Brian Cronin
• Do Travel Writers Go To Hell?, Thomas Kohnstamm
• Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
• The Year of Living Biblically, A.J. Jacobs
• Swish: My Quest to Become the Gayest Person Ever, Joel Derfner

Movies

• Up
• Up
• Up
• Up
• Up

“Acting Moments”

• The Last Piece Of Cake
• Family Comes First
• Bartender Wars
• Hung Jury
• There’s No Zombies…/The Mission

“Moments”

• The Equality March on Washington
• Tom’s Proposal to Brian
• Finding $120.00 on the floor when I really needed it – thank you God.
• Finding out I’m being published
• Losing 50 Lbs

I got a phone call yesterday from a number I didn’t recognize, I wasn’t going to answer but decided in a split second, it would be best if I did.

“Hello, Vinnie speaking.” I said.
“Is this Vinnie?” A husky woman’s voice asked.
“Yes it is.” I answered.

Click

What the…?!?

I called the number back and it went to voice mail; I couldn’t understand the outgoing message.

I left a message.

“Hi this is Vinnie. I think we were disconnected. I didn’t catch your name. If you need to reach me, please call back.”

I guess it wasn’t important. I never got a call back…

After 10 days of mucus build-up, body aches and peeing every ten minutes from forced fluid intake I’m finally feeling better. I know that all my dear readers were so worried that I was dying from Hippo Flu – which doesn’t actually exist, but I’ve made a few people believe it does.

I haven’t worked in over a week and when one is not salaried, to lose a whole week can practically destroy one who has no savings – I seem to be having one good month and one bad month on average this this year, example: September sucked because of all the holidays which fell on Friday nights, October I went overboard and worked 25 shifts out of 31 day, this month – sick, next month, I’m going to start bartending Monday Happy hours at the Duplex so all will be well.

When you hit your 40’s… mid-30’s you start to wonder if all the scrafice is worth it, and the only answer I find when I really think about it, is yes.

Yes, it is worth it.

Sickness and struggle and financial woes, it all leads to the next big thing.

I have it.

Body aches, stuffy/runny nose, cough; the whole nine yards.

It sucks!

According to my doctor, I should not be around other people until, at least, Monday…

I never would’ve thought I’d actually miss working!