for your VINformation

Customer: “Can I get tickets to that Hugh Jackman play?”

Agent: “A Steady Rain was a limited run, it closed in December.”

Customer: “I’m a little behind aren’t I?”

Agent: “Nothing wrong with that, better a little behind than big ass.”

Customer: “I need to know if there are tickets available to Avenue Q?”

Agent: (After Checking) “There are. With the service, handling charges and taxes they’re $109.00 per ticket.”

Customer: (To other customer) “$109’s not bad but I’d rather pay less.” (To Agent) “Do they do rush tickets?”

Agent: “Each theatre handles rush differently. You’d have to go to the box office to find out.”

Customer: “Can I call and ask?”

Agent: “Box offices have unlisted numbers.”

Customer: “Surely you can contact them.”

Agent: “Yes, yes I can.”

Customer: “Can’t you call them for me?”

Agent: “Purchasing tickets here, you’re paying a service charge because we do all the leg-work for you. If you’re looking to get a cheaper ticket by not using my services and therefore not paying a service charge, you’ve got to do the leg-work yourself.”

Customer: “Well, that’s certainly simply put and fair… we’ll take two tickets to Avenue Q.”

Customer: “Look, I don’t want to wait outside in that line, I want a single ticket for the Wicked. What do I do?”

Agent: “I can get you a single, no problem – it’ll be $159.00 – the $159.00 is inclusive of the box-office price, service and handling fees and all taxes, both city and state as we are a ticket reseller and besides, after six years as the highest grossing Broadway show, without the benefit of a Best Musical Tony, yet, I doubt today’ll be the day Wicked goes up at TKTS. TKTS has only a select group of shows on any given day and Wicked being the top grossing show on Broadway, it really doesn’t need to seel it’s tickets at half-price.”

Customer: ” Oh, a friend, who lives here, told me that everything is at TKTS and I shouldn’t get my ticket in advance because I could get it cheaper the on day of.”

Agent: “When you see to your friend, tell ‘em, ‘thanks for nothing!’”

The following took place on a Sunday afternoon…

Customer: “Which shows play on Sunday night?”

Agent: “Chicago, Mamma Mia, Rock of Ages, In the Heights, Next To Normal at 7:00 pm and Lion King and Mary Poppins at 6:30 and I can also do Avenue Q, off Broadway, at 7:30.”

Customer: “What’s Next To Normal?

Agent: “In one line, it’s about a woman suffering from bi-polar disorder brought on by the death of her infant child. It’s difficult subject matter but brilliant theatre. You’ll leave exhausted but exhilarated.”

Customer: “No. In The Heights?”

Agent: “It’s about Latino life in Washington Heights, NYC. A great, high energy show, but if you’re looking for a “classic Broadway experience” you may not appreciate it.”

Customer: “Rock of Ages?”

Agent: “It’s about a young guy trying to be a rock star in LA, using all the great rock songs from the ’80’s, Journey, Rush, Styx…”

Customer: “I’m bringing a 78 year old nun…”

Agent:  “Oh then your only choice is, Mary Poppins.”

Customer: “Not Mamma Mia?”

Agent: “Are we talking a seventy-eight year old Catholic nun?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Agent: “Mamma Mia is about a girl about to get married searching for her birth father between the three men her mother slept with all around the same time. Children out of wedlock, loose women with loose morals… is she a hippie nun with an open mind? I don’t want her to put you on the fast-track to hell.”

Customer: “Mary Poppins it is!”

Disclaimer: this DID NOT happen – outside of my head:

Customer: “I have a question for you, I’m not going to buy anything wah… Wah wah wahh, wahh TKTS wah wahh.  Wahh wah wah. What do you think?”

Agent: “I’m sorry, as soon as you said ‘not buying’ you turned into an adult from the old Peanuts cartoons and I stop listening… in fact, I starting humming the overture from MAME in my head to drown you out.”

One of my readers asked me  “What’s this ‘Desk’ you talk about so often?”

The desk is where I work one of my day jobs. I work for a Broadway ticket broker selling shows to tourists who wait until the last minute to purchase tickets.

There is a mark up. Buyers are paying above ticket price, sometimes a lot above. If you don’t like it, remember – do your own leg-work you won’t pay a service charge…

Basically, they’re also paying for me, and by that I don’t mean my salary, they are paying for my expertise – I know from the best shows, I know from the best seats,  I know from the best performers; I know from the BROADWAY!

Look at it this way:

You have six kids, it’s Sunday night and you’ve run out of milk and eggs and can’t send them off to school the next day on an empty stomach, what do you do? Do you throw an overcoat over you pjs and go to the convenience store around the corner knowing you’ll pay a premium or do you get everyone dressed, load everyone in the car and head to Shop Rite?

That’s me in a nutshell. I’m a service, a convenience to the guests of this mammoth Times Square hotel.

Customer: “What is RACE about?”

Agent: “Race.”

Customer: “Yes, RACE.”

Agent: “It’s about race.”

Customer: “Yes, I’m asking about RACE.”

Agent: “…..”

Januaray 6th, 2010 -

Customer: “May I get two tickets to the Nutcracker?”

Agent: “It’s ended it’s run.”

Customer: “How about the Radio City Christmas Spectular?”

Agent: “It closed on the third.”

Customer: “White Christmas?”

Agent: “It also closed on the third.”

Customer: “Why?”

Agent: “They were limited-run holiday shows and the holidays are over.”

Customer: “There should be a Christmas show running all year long, don’t you think?”

Agent: “Absolutely! I’ll make a phone call and make that happen…”

Customer: “As if it were that easy…”

I’ve been “at the desk for” almost a year and a half and employed by “the man” for the entire 2009 calendar year – I usually only stay in one work environment for what averages out to be three months; when I make it this far, I’m usually in for about two years, by my calculations I’ll be gone by August…

One of the little perks of the job was everyday there would be the possibility someone really stupid/nasty/lovely would show up and give me material for Overheard @ The Desk.

That being said, after 60 installments and keeping a regular weekly schedule, Overheard @ The Desk is on hiatus.

I still be posting the stupid/nasty/lovey encounters, I just won’t be doing it on a regular basis…

Customer: “Do you sell stamps?”

Agent: “No, try the front desk.”

—-

Customer: “Can you get me tickets on the double decker bus tour?”

Agents: “No, try next door, under the sign that says ‘tours.’”

—-

Customer: “Double decaf skinny-mocha latte – wait, you’re not Starbucks…”

Agent: “No, no I’m not.”

—-

Customer: “Can you get me comedy club tickets?”

Agent: “Most comedy clubs offer free admission, they make their money on the two drink minimum – the concierge should have passes for you.”

Customer: “Where…”

Agent: “Other side of the escalator.”

Agent: “Merry Christmas, how can I help you.”

Customer: “I would like to see Jersey Boys tonight.”

Agent: “I’m sorry, there’s no performance of Jersey Boys tonight. The only shows performing today are; The Lion King, Mary Poppins, White Christmas, Ragtime and Hair at two and then The Radio City Christmas Spectacular at two and four thirty.”

Customer: ” No, I’m looking for Jersey Boys.”

Agent: “Jersey Boys does not have a show today.”

Customer: “I know you don’t want to tell me, but I get tickets from somewhere else, right?”

Agent: “There’s no show tonight.”

Customer: “If I go to the box office, do you think they’ll be cancelations?”

Agent: “Sir, there is no show tonight.”

Customer: “Someone must be able to get tickets for me.”

Agent: “Again, Sir, there is no show – no one will sell you tickets to a theatre that’s dark tonight – there is no show. It’s Christmas Eve – the producers have given the cast and crew the night off - there is no show tonight.

Customer: “Oh, how about Wicked…”

Agent: “I’m sorry, there’s no performance of Wicked tonight. The only shows performing today are; The Lion King, Mary Poppins, White Christmas, Ragtime and Hair at two and then The Radio City Christmas Spectacular at two and four thirty…”

Customer: “Well then, what’s playing tonight?”

Time: 8:02 AM

Agent: "Happy Holidays, how can I help you?"

Customer: "You can tone down the good cheer, I haven’t had my coffee yet!"

Agent: "Bah Humbug!"

Customer 1: “I’m have a debate with my friend here and I’m hoping you can settle a bet.  Mary Poppins is a revival, right?”

Agent: “No. It’s a new show, it opened a few years ago.”

Customer 2: (to #1) “You owe me ten dollars!”

Customer 1:  (to agent) “I don’t mean to tell you your job, but if it’s a new musical how did they make a movie of it fifty years ago?”

Agent: “The show is based on the movie, not the other way ’round…”

Customer 1: “OOOOOOOkay…whatever you say.” (to #2) “I’m not paying, we’ll look it up on Wikipedia…”

Customer: "If I wanted to buy someone a show for Christmas, could I?"

Agent: "Of course, I think that’s a wonderful gift."

Customer: "Would I be able to return them if they can’t go?"

Agent: "No, all sales are final. I would recommend getting a sold date before purchasing."

Customer: "That doesn’t leave much of a surprise…"

Agent: "Well, you could fib and tell them you need a date they’re available to say, go to a fancy dinner or tell the truth and just not tell them what show they’re going to see or you can simply get a gift certificate and let them pick their own show…there are really so many options…"

Customer: "You’re just full of Christmas spirit, aren’t you?"

Agent: "I’m full of something…"

Customer: "Have you seen Wicked?"

Agent: "Six times."

Customer: "You liked it?"

Agent: "…it was ok…"